Am I Even A Woman Anymore
Just For Laughs, motherhood, Stay-at-home-mom

Am I Even A Woman Anymore?

Lately I’ve been contemplating my life. You only need to read a few of my more recent posts to understand what I’m talking about …

Last month I had to go and get my fingerprints taken at the traffic department. No big deal, it was for my SA Drivers License. Unfortunately the machine was struggling to read my prints. Apparently this is quite common and in cases like this the machine finds it easier to scan your prints if you put on hand-cream or something similar. I don’t know why.

The lady operating the fingerprint machine suggested that I put some hand-cream on, gesturing to my oversized handbag, expecting me to whip some out!


I made the pretense of rummaging through my bag, supposedly looking for some, knowing full well that I don’t have any but I was suddenly feeling ‘judged’.

When I, unsurprisingly, came up empty, she was shocked! I actually wish I could have taken a picture of her face in that moment. Her mouth was hanging open and everything! lol

She eventually closed her mouth, took a deep breath, found her tongue and said to me …

“How can you not have any hand cream, are you even a woman?”

It was said in jest, we both laughed, and then she proceeded to offer me some of her’s. It worked, my fingerprints were read and I was out of there.

When I left there though, it got me thinking …

On this seemingly twisted and uphill journey along the path of motherhood … have I somehow misplaced my womanhood?

I don’t carry hand-cream in my hand-bag, in fact I don’t even have a hair brush in there anymore. I’m pretty sure it was removed about six months ago to brush one of the numerous My Little Pony’s manes and never returned. #momlife – I certainly haven’t missed it. What is in my bag are my purse, roll-on, car keys, house keys, a Troll or two, some copper coins, a hair-band or five, a used tissue, and a few of those sweets they give you when you pay at a restaurant.

Does that make me less of a woman?

I realised today that I haven’t actually had my hair done professionally in over eight months. My badly done ‘blonde/yellow’ highlights are now at least an inch over-grown but it is finally the perfect length to wrap in a neat ‘Mom-Bun’. If I go to the hairdresser they will end up cutting it and then my ‘Mom-bun hair’ won’t work. The thought of having to ‘do’ my hair every day … well, that just isn’t going to happen! Nee!

Does that make me less of a woman?

What about the fact that I don’t own, or even want to own a pair of high heels anymore. I think I have a pair of gold wedges somewhere but the last time I looked they were in the girls’ dress-up box! For about a year before my hip replacements (age 33/34) I was so determined that I would one day wear heels again. Now two years later, I really, really see no point in them. I think other women look stunning, poised and beautiful in them, IF they can walk in them. You know what? They don’t even have to walk in them, if they can stand up straight in them without it looking like they are about to fall over, they deserve to wear them and be admired for that. If not, then please just take them off?! But for me … that’s okay thanks. I’ll stick with my flats. I mean, if I can’t even walk in heels, how the hell am I supposed to run after a four-year-old who can’t grasp the fact that ‘Cars Will Run You Over!’ whilst also carrying a bag of groceries, an oversized handbag filled with nothing and dragging the six-year-old who lives in her own world half the time? Seriously!?!

Does that make me less of a woman?

A few weeks ago I was fixing my makeup (for what it’s worth – we must have been going somewhere fancy …) and after about an hour of wearing it half had melted off in the Free State heat, and there was more on hands (I’m a face toucher), than there was left on my face. I spoke my thoughts out loud and said “I wish there was some kinds of spray-on ‘sealant’ that stops your makeup melting off your face.”

My THIRTEEN year-old step-daughter looked at me with a face filled with horror, shock, and a touch of pity. It turns out there is such a product, and it’s been available for years, if not decades, from your local pharmacy beauty counter. Who knew? Not me. I still haven’t bought any, but I will … eventually. #lifegoals

Does that make me less of a woman?

I don’t wear lipstick. In fact the last lipstick I bought was for my daughter to wear to her dance concert in October last year. It’s a shocking orange colour reminiscent of those neon sunblock face pains that were popular in the 90s on Durban beaches and with cricket fans … I’m not even going to post a picture, I’m sure anyone over the age of 25 remembers … No? Just me then? Don’t lie to yourself!

Does that make me less of a woman?

One of the other reasons I don’t wear lipstick is because I have permanently chapped lips. I might get away with three or four days in a row where they aren’t dry and cracked, but normally they are. Lipstick on ‘that’ looks like a hack ‘house painter’ painting over a wall riddled with cracks – positively pointless and not very pretty. So instead of lipstick I use lip gloss, in a shiny nude or pale pink colour, barely noticeable. I think I’ve had the same bottle in my bag for over a year. As a mom of little girls I see that as an achievement in itself, but that’s a topic for a different post.

Does that make me less of a woman?

I don’t have the answer for all these questions. Let’s face it, this is not even one of those soul-searching posts. I hope you laughed a little.

The reality is that I know there are many Stay At Home Moms of little kids who rock the perfect hair, make-up, heels and handbags that contain hand-cream, but that’s not me. You guys rock! You are what I aspire to be … some days, when I’m ‘going out’. However, the reality for me is that I just don’t, can’t and won’t.

Maybe it’s that in itself that might make me less of a woman. Maybe I’m not less of a woman, maybe I’m “just” a mom. Maybe that’s just me. And that’s okay. I’m happy with ‘just me’.

Don’t worry … before you feel too sorry for me, I know that I Am More Than Just A Mom.  The subject of ‘am I even a woman anymore’ isn’t even really important considering all the other more important things that I need to concern myself with as mom of girls.

Admire someone elses' beauty without questioning your own.



50 thoughts on “Am I Even A Woman Anymore?”

  1. Lol! I read this in the school pickup line and had to check my purse to see if I had hand cream! I do (who even knew?) but I also had 3 pairs of socks, a medicine dosing cup, 2 hot wheels, some stickers and a stack of store credit coupons from my local resale shop! Looks like I’m set 👌🏻😉

  2. Oh gosh, the hair conundrum! I also am desperately in need of a hair cut and color – but then all the ways I’ve learned to keep it out of my face won’t work anymore!

  3. We are still women after having kids but our womanly needs become more trivial as we put our children before ourselves. So that being said , I think we are more womanly after having kids and the only thing that has disappeared is the superficial necessities that we were taught made us a woman. We’ve always had the power but society didn’t want us to know.. lol

  4. I enjoyed reading this post, I love your style of writing…so authentic unashamedly and to me, that makes you a woman of substance. So I guess the definition of a woman is dependent on perspective – for some its the superficial things and for others it means much more…

  5. I was rocking the mom bun long before I even became a mom! lol. I have such pressure now that I started blogging…to look more presentable when I go out. At a bloggers meetup somebody that hasn’t met me….said on Whatsapp : I expect you to look like a model’. I almost died. I have 3 kids. I have not had my hair done in about 2yrs. So it’s something I am conscious of when going out now….to just look presentable, nowhere near model material. lol.

    I actually want to put a disclaimer on my blog… I love talking about makeup, but please don’t expect me to look put together and (heaven forbid) in a pair of heels. ha ha

    To me, these are definitely the superficial side of being a woman….but that pressure is there. Whether society puts it on us, or we put it on ourselves.

    Great post!

    PS You can get a great setting spray from Avon even for like 70 bucks 😉 That’s the stuff to ‘seal’ your makeup 😉 #YoureWelcome lol

    1. 😂😂😂 Thanks for that! I will definitely find an Avon agent and get myself some. My next option was hair spray … Kidding!!!

  6. I’m so inspired by this Carly!
    I had a little makeover at a makeup outlet recently and felt a little bit like they tried to make me into a star, which I’m not. The outside was not an accurate reflection of the inside. My husband said I look like a glamour pussy, and we laughed and laughed and laughed. I admire the glamorous girls who pull it off naturally you know. It’s not my every day go to kinda thing.
    I’m really just a mom who likes to dress up occasionally and I have no idea what to use to conceal stuff. And pajama days and no makeup days are at the top of my favourites.

    1. Thanks for this. I actually get totally intimidated by the fabulous look, make-up counters and beauty departments. But I must admit, I was a bit jealous when I saw your make-over snaps. I don’t think I saw the end result but I saw you getting it done. Loving the updates from your trip. Looks like you having a blast!

  7. I never carry hand cream, never wear make up, and don’t have any kids. In 2017, we need to stop expecting women to be and do certain things. I am a woman. You are a woman. F**k the fingerprint lady!

    1. I think I portray that image but inside I’m a constant bundle of nerves and insecurity. I also think that’s the beauty of writing. I get to write down what I really think and believe and I don’t have to present it or defend it in person. It gives me the opportunity to think and consider carefully before hitting the ‘publish’ button. A luxury I wish I could have when having to speak out loud … instead I constantly feel awkward. Thank you for your lovely comment. X

  8. Listen Ladycakes,

    You have everything a real woman needs to survive in that handbag and I have no doubt that in a pinch you could MacGyver the hell out of it all!

    Sure, make-up and a well manacured hair-do can define a woman, but they don’t “make” you one!

    I bet your children get one hundred percent of your time and probably don’t even realize how much the appreciate not having to compete with a mirror on a daily! We all sacrifice things when we become parents, even when we don’t choose to!

    This was super funny though and so true! I have a giant purse and it contains more toys then make-up, paperwork that I know won’t be safe anywhere else in my house and a bunch of little “I might need these” things!

    I went to work the other day and hung my purse beside the door. About an hour later a co-worker walked up and was like “Uh, these must be yours” … what he was referring to was the pair of socks in his hand! They had fallen out of my purse, which has apparently become a suitcase!

    Your doing great! Not only ARE you a woman, but your an amazing one because you are a good Mumma!

    **Feel free to stop by (or click on my name!)**

    1. Thanks lovely. Such a great comment –
      Glad it made you laugh. Seems many moms carry socks in their handbags … my kids hate shoes, I can barely get them to wear flip-flops so I don’t really have the sock problem! 😂

  9. Haha your post rings very true over here too! I was only saying to someone this week about wearing earrings – I used to be known for always wearing really dangly earrings, and she commented that, in the 4 years I’ve known her, she’s never seen me wear anything other than studs! Nooo. The realisation that she was right. Earrings used to be my “thing”! How has this happened??

    And congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the BlogCrush linky! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂 #blogcrush

  10. Loved this blog!!! It made me wonder if I am a woman too! Thankfully I have hand cream because when I last went to get my nails done – which is not often, the manicurist told me how dreadful my cuticles are and basically implied I better do something about it or she would wear her raised eyebrows permanently LOL

  11. Love this. I was never a big make up person and up until 2 years ago could still rock a look without any foundation. But as I’m getting older, I’ve realised that I need to take care of my skin so I have a facial routine in the morning and never go without sunscreen. I still do very minimal makeup and really only splash if it is a cocktail party or wedding that I need to attend. I’ve given up on wearing high heels (wrote about this in a previous blog post) and my handbag is so messy – it now carries objects of my girls and husband. However I must say I can’t go without hand cream. So I guess I’m still a little bit of a woman but don’t know for how long.#lekkerlinky

  12. I loved this post..and it made me laugh so hard my 2 year old looked at my like I had completely lost it! #momlife is hard and rewarding and tiring but thank goodness for Mom-buns and BB Cream 😉

  13. This post has been added to the BlogCrush linky again! Congratulations! Reading the post again, and I still see so much of myself in this. But I just had a flash of inspiration – you need to be a woman to be a mum, and I would much rather be proud of my womanhood by being a super mother rather than just reducing womanhood to being a pretty face with some lippy on! 🙂 #blogcrush

  14. I wear no makeup, I am growing my hair to donate to cancer patients, I cannot wear and do not own high heels… dresses, NOPE. Cream in my bag, nope. Oh, and my bag is a backpack. Easier on the back/neck. And, I am woman, hear me ROAR! Hysterical post. Rock on Momma! #blogcrush xoxo

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