We are half way through January now, and if you haven’t noticed there are basically two categories of humans on the planet:
- Those who suffer from January Disease;
- Those who don’t and fall into category B below.
A. What is January Disease you ask. Well , if you are not familiar with this particular ailment, below is a list of symptoms to help you diagnose whether you or your loved ones are suffering from January Disease:
- You’re broke, as in ‘you were broke on the 2nd of January, and don’t get paid until the 30th of January’ broke, probably from trying to eat healthy food and because you rejoined the gym … again.
- You have a ‘holiday-hangover’ (i.e you had to go back to work and decide that you actually hate your job, and the whole world because of it.)
- You lack any and all enthusiasm for life.
- You’re hungry because you’re on a diet.
- You’re exhausted because you’re forcing yourself to go to gym to stick to those stupid New Year Resolutions that you made while you had a holiday-hangover and you are from which you are still trying to recover.
B. The people you hate most in the world are the following:
- Your boss, and everyone who doesn’t have to go back to work (i.e. Stay-At-Home-Moms, retired people, teachers who don’t start until NEXT WEEK!)
- People who are excited about their New Year’s resolutions
- People who don’t have to go to gym but still do because they LIKE it (wierdos)!
- People who are excited by the opportunities a new year brings them
- Politicians who lie, steal and are corrupt (most African politicians) and Famous People who make speeches about how they live ‘in the real world’ of Hollywood*.
*Cue 220 unfollows.
This list is not exhaustive, and you only need to suffer from one of the Big Five in order to make a legitimate claim of suffering January Disease!
There are literally only two ways to cure yourself of January Disease:
- Forget the stupid New Year Resolutions until 1 February, eat what you want and drink lots of wine or whatever makes you happy.
- Get a sick-note from a sympathetic Doctor who has the ‘balls’ to actually write on said note “Suffering from January Disease, off work until 1 February, fully paid!”
Share if you can identify or know someone suffering from this seriously contagious disease! 😉