A Bird In My House
blogging, humour, Stay-at-home-mom

A Bird In My House!

There I was, sitting in my home office, minding my own business, when I heard a strange thumping sound coming from the lounge.

My heart stopped, and in a millisecond I considered just locking myself in the office and hiding from whoever was ransacking my house.

Then I realised, I’m an adult, don’t be pathetic, I live in the most secure residential complex in town, it’s more likely one of the neighbours cats who needs to be caught, named and shamed on the complex’s whatsapp group. (Okay, I’m only ‘kind of’ an adult.)

I metaphorically ‘put on my big girl knickers’ and go through to the lounge to confront the unknown.

The first thing I see is what appears to be purple juice all over the beige tiles. I know it’s not from my kids because they’re at school, and I had just finished mopping the floor about 20 minutes prior. Confused I head towards the open verandah door only to see something flying at me!

I scream like a child and then realise that it’s one of the wild birds that had obviously hopped into the house by mistake and is now trapped.


Then I realise that the purple ‘juice’ is actually bird shit and this bird is literally shitting himself as he flies around my lounge and kitchen, shitting all over the place!

I then contemplate how to get it out the house without getting covered in the purple shit myself and mentally kick myself for not buying the giant butterfly net my kids wanted the other day. I grab the long handled feather duster and try to guide the stupid bird out of the house.

I fail and only succeed in scaring more shit out of it … please don’t think I’m only joking here.

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I give up and decide to just leave the door wide open and hope that it finds it’s own way out without me.

Five minutes later I go back to the lounge to see if it’s gone.

Well I can’t find it so I hope it has but the stench of the shit is nauseating! Think changing the nappy after a yoghurt pooh from a 10 month old child.

I resign myself to mopping again. Prepare the soapy water, and start at the worst point.

IT DOESN’T COME OFF!!!

The purple shit has stained my beige floor! I shit you not!

I try again. I contemplate using pool acid, and then realise I might be over-reacting. This time I’m taking no chances and use boiling water with a mixture of washing up liquid, vinegar and bicarb! It worked, thank goodness.

I now need to burn the mop.

#FML.


My Random Musings
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18 thoughts on “A Bird In My House!”

    1. Like dark purple! It’s obviously the berries growing on the bush outside the front door cos the verandah is covered in it. Tempted to prune the bush!

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  1. Oh my, although I do sympathise with you, this post really made me smile today. I have had a few birds in my house due to the cats, nothing to this extent though. However, when Travelling on an island in Vietnam – there was a gorgeous humingbird in our room, We went to tell the people who run the place and they looked at us like we were crazy (must be a normal thing) however i spent a good hour getting that bird out lol

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I had a bird in the house the other day too!!! I feel your pain and panic! Unluckily for the bird in my house, my super speedy collie caught it. Luckily for me before it could poop everywhere! Thankfully she didn’t hurt it and it was just shocked! At least I didn’t have to attempt to herd it out of the house, and thankfully I walked in before my collie totally chomped it.

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      1. Pictures aren’t great because I spent quite a lot of time ducking. Lol
        Definitely eating berries. Tempted to pick all the berries off the bushes in the garden as my verandah is now covered in purple too. 🙈

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        1. where do you live?
          The purple berries may be Manatoka (Myoporum tenuifolium) from New Zealand.
          Declared invasive alien – and those berries – mean that the birds spread our problem around.
          We had a plant in our Camps Bay garden. Grows fast into a huge tree, which needs pruning. And those berries!!

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Haha! I have the same reaction to a mouse in the house. Except then it’s not the mouse shitting itself! Great post- and since we’re all adults here ( some of the time anyway!) I don’t mind the expletives at all. In fact I liberally sprinkle them throughout mine when given a chance.
    P.S. purple shit? What are those birds eating?!

    Liked by 1 person

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