The topic of ‘Can Women Have It All’ is a very contentious one. There are many educated arguments, ranting blog posts, memes and feminist movements surrounding this one topic.
Why do ‘we’, and by ‘we’ I mean everyone but mostly women, feel like it’s some sort of challenge to be equal to a man. Or that doing what a man does is something to aspire to or achieve. That is utterly ridiculous.
In this day and age, women can do whatever we want. There are women Presidents and Prime Ministers, there are doctors and engineers, army generals and fighter pilots. There are even women who raise children on their own and wear trousers believe it or not. Some women can even open really tight jars or bottles on their own! *Gasp* I know, right? Shocking.
You know what? Men can do all those things too.
Men can be parents, and they can raise children alone. Men can wear skirts and carry handbags. Men can get their hair done and get a facial. Men can be secretaries and house-keepers. Men can cook dinner for their family and do the school run. Men can even be on the PTA!!
Both men and women can marry the one they love even if that person is the same-sex as them (unless you live in Zimbabwe – but I won’t get into that now).Women are even allowed to not get married, ever, as are men! Mind blowing stuff!
My point here is, why are we continuously made to feel that we must ‘have it all’. What does ‘having it all’ actually mean?
Does it mean that as a women you MUST:
- have a successful career,
- have 2.5 children,
- have a stable marriage,
- have dinner on the table by 18.00
- be on the PTA
- do the school run
- keep your house clean all the time
- make sure the laundry is done
- look beautiful
- go to the gym 3 times a week
- only eat healthy food
- make lots of money
- have a ‘tribe’ of women friends you call sisters
- emasculate your husband
If you take one of those things off the list, does it mean you DON’T ‘have it all’? Does it mean you are failing, or that you are undoing the work of all the feminists in history that have fought for the right for women to ‘have it all’.
Maybe. Maybe not. If so, then let me tell you something:
I don’t want it all!
In my opinion, ‘having it all’ should be about having whatever you want.
If you want to be a fighter jet pilot who never get’s married but has a child out-of-wedlock. Great! Do it! Just be happy.
If you want to be a school teacher who marries her high school sweetheart and has 2.5 children and a dog. Great. Do it! Just be happy.
If you want to be a Lawyer and then decide to quit your job because you’d rather be a SAHM to 5 kids who you adopted, who are all of different races and you married your lesbian partner. Great. Do it! Just be happy.
Why do we all feel we need to prove something to ‘everyone’.
Shouldn’t ‘having it all’ be having all of what YOU want.
I have it all. I have:
- A loving husband who works very hard to provide for our family
- I have two children of my own and a step-daughter (2.5?)
- I don’t work, I stay at home.
- I do the school run.
- I make sure my husband has a cooked dinner ready when he gets home from work
- I make sure the Washing, Ironing, Feeding, Etc (WIFE) are done.
I have it all. I have all I ever wanted. I am happy and content.
Please don’t try to make me feel inadequate because I don’t work too, or because I don’t earn any money, or because my husband doesn’t do the laundry or go to PTA meetings. That’s not what ‘having it all’ means.
It is up to each and every one of us to define what ‘having it all’ means to us. Then you need to go out, get it and then just be happy.