My eldest daughter and I are not particularly tactile. We love each other fiercely. We sit next to each other, laugh at the same things and she is basically a mini version of me, even in looks. But we are not cuddlers, snugglers or kissers, nor are we huggers, hand holders or space invaders.
We can also be a little socially awkward. We are the kind who awkwardly don’t know if it’s appropriate to give a kiss hello, or a hug, or maybe an air kiss, or maybe even maybe a handshake. Whatever the right answer is, we’ll get it wrong. Think … Chandler from Friends.
We don’t know if, when you ask “How are you?” the answer you are looking for is: “Good thanks, and you?” or maybe it’s “My tooth fell out, look … *opens face to display gaps* … and mommy forgot to buy her wine, but we’re going away next Easter.” kind of reply. Feel free to pity me, these are real examples.
But we “get” each other, her and I. Just us, just the two of us. Living here in our awkward world. A world where 75% of the time I will turn up dressed slightly inappropriately – not in a slutty way, more like wearing shorts and a top with flip-flops, instead of a blouse with jeans, sandals and bling.
We also fight like cat and dog. The only time the fighting is worse is when it’s between her and her sister, I’m guessing that’s solely down to my *cough* maturity! 😂
No matter how awkward or hard fought our day has been, the night’s still roll round, and I long for them.
Not just for the few hours of peace and quiet all parents of young children crave, but because every night, I tuck her in and I lean in and kiss her goodnight.
And every night she wraps her arms tightly around my neck or head, most awkwardly, and she clings for a second, a moment, and I wait for it, long for it and most awkwardly return it even tighter. Just for a moment.
Then I pull away, she lets go, and I say to her “Night my girl, I love you. See you in the morning.”
She replies, “Night mommy, I love you too. See you in the morning.”
It’s our way.
It’s how we are.
My eldest and I.
Love you, my girl.