blogging, marriage, Parenting, Stay-at-home-mom

What Does Independence Look Like?

I have not been independent since I was around 25 years old. It was at that age that I moved out of slight dodgy house-share in London and into a flat with my boyfriend (future husband) in York.

Before then I was able to support myself completely. Sure, it was a house-share in a not so trendy part of south-East London and the money I did make mostly went on partying and clothes. I had very little responsibility and no savings, but no debt either! I was living the dream … kind of!

Then I fell in-love, gave up my fairly well-paid job for a rubbish paid job, moved away from friends and family to a new life in a new city and found myself broke but loved and happy. I also found myself more financially reliant on my partner than I wanted to be.

Roll forward to 2011, we had left the UK and were living in Zimbabwe working for the same company, living off my salary and saving his … and I was about to have my first child. We decided together that I should give up working completely to be a SAHM. That was over six years ago. Since then I have been 100% financially reliant on him.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s part of the package if you both decide that it’s best for your family that one of you stays home with the kids … but I’ve written about my struggles about being a SAHM many times before. That is not the point of this post.

Last week I launched my new freelance business. My first quote was accepted and I was over the moon!

My husband is already joking about becoming a stay-at-home-dad although I have no doubt in my mind the kids would drive him to drink!

Oh look …

Moving on … yesterday was the first time in eight years of marriage that I was able to do anything with a financial institution that did not require me to provide his ID documents, or a letter from him giving me permission, or his signature as permission.

I opened a bank account! Me … on my own! Just me!

I honestly expected to go in and be sent away with a pile of documents that they would need him to sign,  such is the reality of being married IN Community Of Property – note to any of you contemplating marriage … don’t go down that route!!

When I was finally finished, and they had gone through everything:- my Passport (ID), my Permanent Residence Visa, and my Proof of Address, they then set it up, organised my online banking on my phone there and then, and I walked out with my shiny new bank card!

I couldn’t believe it!

I got in the car and I was grinning like a child in a sweet shop! The first person I phoned to share my excitement with was my husband. It went something like this:

“Guess what? I am the proud new owner of my own bank account, and as much as I love you and am grateful for all your support forever, I am so excited that I did this without you!”

Fortunately he does not take offence because he understands exactly how much this means to me, and I never have to doubt his love and support.

So for me, that is what independence feels like: Opening my own bank account to support my own new business, without them asking for my husband’s permission, and then getting in the car he bought me and calling him on the phone he pays for, to celebrate that momentous moment with the only person who truly knows the struggles I’ve faced being “beholden” to him all this time!

Thank you my love! For everything.

So what is my goal? Well, eventually I want to be self-reliant enough that he can go on his long-desired six motorbike trip across Africa and my only worry will be him and his safety (and the jealousy I would feel at missing out on the trip of a lifetime!) p.s. – he’s open to sponsorship! lol

I’m interested to know what other people’s idea of Independence is? Mine was such a small thing, and I realise that I am very far away from being truly independent, and honestly, even if I could be I don’t want to be, but that’s not the point now is it?

Please let me know … what does independence look like for you? Have you achieved it already? What would it take if not?






9 thoughts on “What Does Independence Look Like?”

  1. Independence for me was 5 years ago when I started working after being home for 18 months . I hated every minute of being home having to depend on my husband (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with ) but I was use to working since the age of 19 and my personality I need to be around people . So I was so happy when i got my salary I could buy my own toiletries and everything else I wanted without having to worry if I was spending too much . I fully understand how you must be feeling and good luck with this new venture and I wish you every success .

    Liked by 2 people

  2. For me, independence was when I moved out of my parents’ place and moved to a different province – on my own. At the moment, independence mean being able to teach and learn things – on my own. Hopefully someday I can get to where you are and own my own business. All the best honey.

    Liked by 2 people

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