Having It All

“Having It All” – What Does That Mean?

The topic of ‘Can Women Have It All’ is a very contentious one, but what does ‘having it all’ really mean?

There are many educated arguments, ranting blog posts, memes and feminist movements surrounding this one topic.

Why do ‘we’, and by ‘we’ I mean everyone but mostly women, feel like it’s some sort of challenge to be equal to a man. Or that doing what a man does is something to aspire to, or achieve. That is utterly ridiculous. 

In this day and age, women can do whatever we want. There are women Presidents and Prime Ministers, there are doctors and engineers, army generals and fighter pilots. There are even women who raise children on their own and wear trousers believe it or not. Some women can even open really tight jars or bottles on their own! *Gasp* I know, right? Shocking.

You know what? Men can do all those things too.

Men can be parents, and they can raise children alone. Men can wear skirts and carry handbags. Men can get their hair done and get a facial. Men can be secretaries and housekeepers. Men can cook dinner for their family and do the school run. Men can even be on the PTA!!

Both men and women can marry the one they love even if that person is the same-sex as them (unless you live in Zimbabwe – but I won’t get into that now). Women are even allowed to not get married, ever, as are men! Mind blowing stuff!

So What?

My point here is, why are we continuously made to feel that we must ‘have it all’. What does ‘having it all’ actually mean?

Does it mean that as a women you MUST:

  • have a successful career,
  • make sure the laundry is done
  • have a stable marriage,
  • have dinner on the table by 18.00
  • be on the PTA
  • do the school run
  • keep your house clean all the time
  • have 2.5 children,
  • look beautiful
  • go to the gym 3 times a week
  • only eat healthy food
  • make lots of money
  • have a ‘tribe’ of women friends you call sisters
  • emasculate your husband

If you take one of those things off the list, does it mean you DON’T ‘have it all’? Does it mean you are failing, or that you are undoing the work of all the feminists in history that have fought for the right for women to ‘have it all’.

Maybe. Maybe not.

Here’s My Secret

I don’t want it all!

In my opinion, ‘having it all’ should be about having whatever you want.

If you want to be a fighter jet pilot but never get married, who then has a child out-of-wedlock. Great! Do it!

Just be happy.

If you want to be a school teacher who marries her high school sweetheart and has 2.5 children and a dog. Great. Do it!

Just be happy.

If you want to be a Lawyer and then decide to quit your job because you’d rather be a SAHM to 5 kids who you adopted, who are all of different races and you married your lesbian partner. Great. Do it!

Just be happy.

Why do we all feel we need to prove something to ‘everyone’.

Shouldn’t ‘having it all’ be having all of what YOU want.

I have it all.

I have:

  • A loving husband who works very hard to provide for our family
  • I have two children of my own and a step-daughter (2.5?)
  • I don’t work, I stay at home.
  • I do the school run.
  • I make sure my husband has a cooked dinner ready when he gets home from work
  • I make sure the Washing, Ironing, Feeding, Etc (WIFE) are done.

I have it all. I have all I ever wanted. I am happy and content.

Please don’t try to make me feel inadequate because I don’t work too, or because I don’t earn any money, or because my husband doesn’t do the laundry or go to PTA meetings. That’s not what ‘having it all’ means to me.

It is up to each and every one of us to define what ‘having it all’ means to us. Then you need to go out, get it and then just be happy.

This post was the featured post on the #fortheloveofBlog Linky.
The Pramshed

This post was linked up to the following linkys: 
My Random Musings
Real Mum Reviews


  1. I actually really hate that phrase because you’re right, what does that even mean? I am a firm believer in the fact that you can’t have it all. You cannot be a stay at home mom and also be president of the United States. You can’t be both, you are one or the other at any given time. So what does having it all mean? I love the way you talk about this, you have what you want to have and what makes you happy and fulfilled. I think that phrase has done so much more harm than good because people think they have to keep striving for this checklist of things in order to prove that they are successful. I quit my job running a daycare two years ago. Hubster fully supported me converting over to a writing career and working on a book. You would not believe the number of people who tell him how understanding he is and ask me when I’m going to “make it.” Uuuuummmm, who’s to say I haven’t already done that? My definition of successful is different than yours! But these are people who think that they have to work full-time, cook for their family every night, have a big house, drive nice cars, socialize with their friends at least once a week… Who’s checklist are you filling?!?!

    1. Exactly. So glad you got the point of this rambling post filled with so many things I want to say, I’m not sure I got it all out but I hope it resonates.

  2. Having it all is about having what you want. No body has ‘it all’ – there are just not the hours in the day! #stayclassymama

  3. Pingback: Sunday Share: Week 22 | All In A Dad's Work

  4. AMEN!!!! So well written. We define our success – we don’t let others define it for us.
    Hopped over via All in a Dad’s Work.

  5. AMEN!!!! So well written. We define our success – we don’t let others define it for us.
    Hopped over via All in a Dad’s Work.

  6. Great post, and I think that “women having it all” has changed a lot. Although I am one for trying to have it all, or maybe I’m just trying to cram too much into a day. I’ve quit my job, and I’m now a SAHM temporarily, but I feel like I have it all. I think that having it all, is what we believe in, what makes us happy, not how others perceive us. A great post and thank you for sharing with us at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

    1. Exactly – it’s about having all of what we want.

  7. I don’t really like the term “having it all” because its quote vague its different for every individual. For me it’s about being happy for the majority of my day, it can’t always happen but if I get even an hour of happiness a day I’ll be alright : ). Thanks for sharing with #StayClassyMama!

  8. I have always considered the term ‘having it all’ as meaning someone has all the options available to them. I think its up to the individual to pick and chose which of the options they go for.
    However a lot of people seem to think it means the same as ‘doing it all’ and that is just not possible. You cannot be a career woman and superwife and parent of the year without something giving.

  9. Oh my goodness Carls but you DO work! Bedides all the fetching and carrying and cooking etc. you blog and run your own business! Kudos to YOU xx

  10. I couldn’t agree with you more! Love this one!! Written wonderfully. I think about this very often and have also come to the same conclusion. I also “have it all” ..

  11. Love it!!! You’ve written this so well my friend. The sooner we realize that we do in fact have it all, the sooner we can be content and just be happy. ❤️

  12. I absolutely love this – so well said! Seriously…! DITTO! Finding your happy place is such a peaceful space to be in irrespective of what the world thinks. I hear you on soooo many levels! #sabloggerscafe

  13. There is so much pressure on women to need to be successful in every aspect of their lives, it’s insane!

    I agree with you, I don’t want to have it all either. I already have all I need and when life decides to change course, then I’ll focus on what else I need!

I'd love to know what you think. Let me know in the comments below.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.