Gift Guide for my Kids

Warning: post contains swearing, sarcasm and real threats! 

As we approach the festive season I have a few conditions for Christmas gifts for the children to all my friends and family:

For the love of all that is sacred and holy in this world, please do not buy my girls another f*cking puzzle! They are incapable of tidying them up and I am quite frankly sick to death of doing it! 

I don’t care if it’s a Trolls puzzle signed in glitter by Poppy or by  “Justin Timberleg” himself – that’s what they call him! 

I don’t care if that puzzle has the power to turn my child into a genius overnight! 

Unless it has the power to turn them into an OCD cleaner, I don’t want you to give it to them! 

If you go against my wishes, rest assured that we will be having the mother of all braai’s (African barbecue) on Boxing Day, where the fire will be fed with the puzzles you bought them! 

Whilst I’m on the subject, also to go on the fire will be any gifts containing glitter, ones that make a noise, require intensive supervision by me or potentially discolour my furniture or car interior (paint, markers, glue etc)! 

Acceptable gifts: google play vouchers, Trolls/Barbie/Frozen/Lion Guard toys (except if they also fall in the aforementioned categories), clothing, swimming toys, dvds, sweets etc, even bats and balls will be allowed, but for the love of God, no puzzles or glitter!!!! 

Consider this advance warning – Mother!!! 

If you think I’m the grinch, or just a bitch, I really don’t care. As the only provider of grandchildren and nieces I suggest you all obey or their attendance at the next holiday (Easter/birthdays etc) will be cancelled! 

Love you all. Tra-la-la-la-la ??❤️?

Comments

    1. Author

      I bet you’ve already bought them something in my ‘no’ list, probably paint!

  1. Author

    Cards…
    Cards with glitter…
    Cards with glitter that plays a tune when you open them…
    Cards with glitter that plays a tune when you open them that your daughter REALLY likes…
    Cards with glitter that plays a tune when you open them that your daughter REALLY likes and that you cannot remove the battery…
    Cards with glitter that plays a tune when you open them that your daughter REALLY likes and that you cannot remove the battery and when the connectors go wonky they start themselves for no reason… At 2am… When you are trying to sleep.
    …And then it wakes said child and they want to play with the card and listen TO THE DAMN TUNE!!!

    *ahem*
    Not that I am bitter or anything.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    4 days that card lasted…
    *eye twitch*

  2. Author

    This post made me laugh out loud! The “it” toy that I keep seeing is a Hatchimal. I already told my girls not to ask for it, because they’re not getting it.

    1. Author

      Yes mine have seen it too. Fortunately the grandparents wouldn’t have a clue! Lol

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