Gift Guide For Kids

The Alternative Gift Guide for Kids

It’s me, I’m the grinch. This is a gift guide for kids, more specifically, for my kids, and for anyone wanting to send my girls gifts that is. Warning: post contains swearing, sarcasm and real threats! 

As we approach the festive season I have a few conditions for Christmas Gifts for my kids prepared as a guide to all my friends and family. See this as a guide to help you navigate the impossible world of choosing gifts for kids, my kids really.

Puzzles

For the love of all that is sacred and holy in this world, please do not buy my girls another f*cking puzzle! They are incapable of tidying them up and I am quite frankly sick to death of doing it! I don’t care if it’s a Trolls puzzle signed in Glitter by Poppy or by  “Justin Timberleg” himself – that’s what they call him! I don’t even care if that puzzle has the power to turn my child into a genius overnight! Just No!

The only exception would be if you have the power to turn them into an OCD cleaner on receipt of the puzzle gift, otherwise, I don’t want you to give them puzzles! 

If you go against my wishes, rest assured that we will be having the mother of all braai’s (African barbecue) on Boxing Day, where the fire will be fed with the puzzles you bought them! 

Gift Guide for kids

Other Unacceptable Gifts for kids!

Whilst I’m on the subject, also to go on the fire will be any gifts containing glitter, ones that make a noise, require intensive supervision by me or potentially discolour my furniture or car interior (paint, markers, glue etc)! 

Pre-Approved Gifts Guide for Kids

As gift guides for kids go, I’m pretty sure this wasn’t what you were expecting. So here is a helpful list of gifts for kids, probably for most kids. The only acceptable gifts for my kids are as follows:

But … for the love of God, no puzzles or glitter!!!! 

Personal Note To The Grandparents

Consider this an advance warning … Mother!!! If you think I’m the grinch or just a b*tch, I really don’t care. As the only provider of grandchildren and nieces, I suggest you all obey or phone calls won’t be answered, and their attendance at the next holiday (Easter/birthdays etc) will be cancelled! 

Love you all. Tra-la-la-la-la ??❤️?

Comments

    1. I bet you’ve already bought them something in my ‘no’ list, probably paint!

  1. Cards…
    Cards with glitter…
    Cards with glitter that plays a tune when you open them…
    Cards with glitter that plays a tune when you open them that your daughter REALLY likes…
    Cards with glitter that plays a tune when you open them that your daughter REALLY likes and that you cannot remove the battery…
    Cards with glitter that plays a tune when you open them that your daughter REALLY likes and that you cannot remove the battery and when the connectors go wonky they start themselves for no reason… At 2am… When you are trying to sleep.
    …And then it wakes said child and they want to play with the card and listen TO THE DAMN TUNE!!!

    *ahem*
    Not that I am bitter or anything.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    4 days that card lasted…
    *eye twitch*

  2. This post made me laugh out loud! The “it” toy that I keep seeing is a Hatchimal. I already told my girls not to ask for it, because they’re not getting it.

    1. Yes mine have seen it too. Fortunately the grandparents wouldn’t have a clue! Lol

  3. Pingback: Top 5 Christmas Gifts For Girls – Mom Of Two Little Girls

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