This latest episode of #ParentingWin vs #ParentingFail comes from the lovely Chanene who blogs over at Tonic & Tiaras. Like me, she is a mum of two little girls. This post is being published on the eve of the first time we get to meet each other in real life … so exciting! [August 2017].
If this is the first time you are reading one of these posts, I started the series with the purpose of featuring a mom who is willing to share a Parenting Win story and a Parenting Fail story. Everyone has different parenting styles, and we are all doing our best to raise our children. But it is not easy. And we all make mistakes sometimes.
What are Parenting Wins?
The Parenting Win stories are where mom’s get to brag about their greatest achievement (other than keeping tiny humans alive) as a mom. These tend to be really small achievements to everyone else, but to the mom involved they are huge!
What are Parenting Fails?
The Parenting Fails stories are stories where you felt like you really dropped the ball (mine was a doozy!) The whole point in sharing our parenting stories is to make other parents realise that there is no such thing as a #PerfectParent. We all make mistakes but we learn from them and move on.
Without further rambling from me, it’s on to Chanene:
Meet Ms Chanaynay
Thank you for the opportunity to feature in your series “Parenting Win and Parenting Fail”.
To write this down for all to see really makes one dig deep and expose a little more of yourself than you like to think. It really was a great challenge as I sat back, reminisced and did some serious soul-searching. I will start with my fail and then go to my win. I am super hard on myself as a parent so even that I found incredibly difficult. Here it is.
My Parenting Fail
Having a baby, well that was definitely not the fail part. I feel it started when I was booked in for a C-section. Having had a previous miscarriage and spotting early, anxiety levels were at an all-time high. Some mum’s make it look easy and ‘oh-so-natural’. Alas I did not fall into that category.
After she was born I struggled with breastfeeding my baby. But I was adamant that if I couldn’t have natural birth then I would be the breastfeeding queen. Miss K had a tongue tie so that didn’t help and to top it all she had jaundice.
The result was her losing weight and 0.5kg is quite a lot for a baby. Imagine how we struggle just to lose a few grams. I was mortified! How didn’t I see this? I couldn’t even feed my own baby and I was a mess.
I have since learnt: do not wait six weeks before going to your pediatrician for a check up. Start a weekly or fortnightly visit to your local clinic to weigh your baby. It was a picture of her snuggled up against my chest that gave us a massive shock. We sorted the jaundice out with a “billybed” – a mobile bed that baby gets to sleep on for three days.
Breastfeeding. Well that was when the Hubster stepped in (not for breastfeeding, obvs, but for bottle feeding our little one). I left for a day away from him and Miss K as he fed her formula and I got some adult confidence building from my girlfriends as we had lunch and chatted. That day Miss K had formula as the Hubster cared for her. She gained weight on the Monday, and it was decided that this would be the way forward. I was not producing enough milk and she was hungry.
The feeling of failure is an understatement. The Hubster was amazing in the way he stepped up during this time making sure that I felt loved and that I was a good mom, giving me confidence in moving forward from this. For me, this was my parent fail and I guess one could say it was his parent win.
I cannot put my win down to just one thing but the fact that my girls are happy and confident (maybe a little too much), that makes me feel like a winner. I love that they are happy to explore their own personal style and find their individualism. At the end of the day they are happy to come home to me and their dad and for me that is the best win a parent could ask for.
Well to me, that is the definition of a #parentingwin – happy kids. Thanks so much for taking part. Just a reminder to everyone, as long as we continue to take care of our children, we are not bad parents. And just because other parents appear to have all their shit together, doesn’t mean that they do, or that they are the ultimate good parent.
This post was originally published in August 2017. It is now March 2019, and I am very proud to say that this special lady and I are super good friends now. She’s my ship. We coined the term because as moms, we are so busy that we struggle to actually connect and speak on the phone. I now live in the UK, and she is in South Africa. But thanks to the beauty of modern technology, and by that I am mainly referring to WhatsApp Voice Notes, we might be ships that pass in the night but our friendSHIP is still going strong. Geddit?
I know, I know. So cheesy! She’s still one of my favourite humans. Please show her some love!
Please do go and follow Chanene at Tonic & Tiaras on the following social media platforms:
You can also check out last week’s feature by clicking here.