My Surprise Threenager

Don’t worry, I’m not surprised I HAVE a Threenager, I’m just surprised she is one. Anyone who knows me (or has read some of my earlier posts) will know that my eldest daughter and I have had a somewhat rocky past. Most of her rage-induced tantrum’s stem from clothing. She HATES anything restrictive, anything remotely warm, especially wearing closed shoes. She’s a summer child who would be quite happy to run barefoot in the dirt wearing a small vest, short tights, hair unbrushed with a bit of food in it … forever.


Sensory Processing Disorder

Disclaimer: When I first wrote this post, I didn’t even know that SPD was a thing. I now do and I try every day to make her life easier.

Last winter was the hardest most frustrating soul-destroying time ever! We fought every single day basically because I needed her to dress warmly, and she didn’t want to.

At the time of writing this, she turned 5 years old during winter last year. She knew what she wanted and what she didn’t want. She was definitely too old and big to wrestle, bribe, or even reason with when she was in a rage.

Now she is five and a half years old now. I am not saying it’s over, but the improvement in her behaviour in the last six months has been amazing. Don’t get me wrong, we had a small relapse this Monday morning just gone, but by Tuesday it was over!

Prior to this, reality, she exhibited all the classic manifestations associated with ‘terrible twos’. Also the ‘threenagers’, ‘f*cking fours’, so to be fair to me I’m due a break. Apparently 7 and 8 Years old is the next hurdle, so maybe I’m off the hook with her until then. (Please pray for me?)

The 7 & 8-Year-Old Phase … it’s emotional!

Whilst all this was going on, my youngest was my ‘good child’. She wore what I wanted her to, got dressed on time, ate her food, listened, slept, napped, breezed through potty training. Everything you needed when you’re dealing with ‘the other one’.

And then last month came around … OMG!

Maybe she was just late to the party, or maybe the universe decided to simply swap one for the other.

The last month has been filled with rage, anger, frustration. Whilst I am used to this behaviour from my eldest, I NEVER expected it to come from my youngest. She was meant to be the angel, the well-behaved child, the sweet one. She’s the one who remembers her manners, the one who can crawl up on anyone’s lap and give them the most heartfelt cuddle. Dare I say it, THE GOOD ONE!

It’s like I’ve been blindsided … I never saw it coming.

My girls are also completely different so I am not prepared for this. I can’t use the same tactics or reasoning as I did before. They won’t work.

Here are a few of her recent behaviour traits:

  • Every request is screamed at me like I’m thick, or deaf … I don’t think she has decided which one yet.
  • She refuses, point-blank refuses, to tidy up when I ask her to.
  • She will NOT get out of the bath when I ask her to. No way! She will sit in there until she is good and ready to get out. I don’t have the energy to forcibly remove her either because the resulting tantrum is not worth it!
  • She won’t eat anything I give her the way I give it to her. I always f*ck it up somehow – see my post earlier in the week.  If you didn’t know, NEVER let the different food groups touch each other. EVER!
  • Every outfit I pick out for her is wrong. I don’t think I’m going to even try anymore.

This morning when I dropped them at school, I parked the car and let each child out their own door. God forbid they have to get out the same door – then I would have chosen a side of the car and loved that child more! I then helped them to cross the road to the school gate, not wanting them to be run over, obvs! I hadn’t even taken two steps over the threshold and she swung around and shouted “I can go by myself! Don’t come!”.

It felt like she’s slapped me! Even the teacher manning the gate was shocked! What the actual f*ck?! Who is this person I birthed?

What a little brat!

She’s lucky she’s cute, although the memories of those days are starting to blur and be taken over by the more recent ones. If you can imagine it, it’s probably happening!

I know there are many parents out there who know what a threenager is like, who can totally relate to what I’m saying now. I’m just in a little bit of shock and it’s taking me a bit longer to accept that she is a threenager. In case you’re wondering if it’s just girl moms who have to deal with this irrationality, it’s not! My friend Helen knows exactly what it’s like to have to survive the toddler and threenager tantrums we all have to try to survive!

I must have been an awful child. Once again, I’m sorry mom. Please forgive me and lift the curse? If you can’t, can you please come and visit for the next 6 months? All expenses paid!

Until then, I may have to drink ALL the wine!


The good news, silver lining, whatever you want to call it, is that I am not the only one. The world is full of irrational threenagers, who think they rule the world (okay, okay, they actually do!) supported by tired parents, at their wits end, sitting there thinking, what the f*ck happened to the cute little baby who loved me so much they would watch me poop and scream when I went out of eye-shot!


I don’t know … maybe I will wake up 3 years from now and this will all be replaced by a new phase and the threenager phase will be completely forgotten about. Maybe not. Stay strong out there – threenagers about!


  1. Nooooo! Don’t tell me this. I am in denial even about the ‘terrible twos.’ My second (17 now) was one of those perfect children that makes you think you live in a Little House on the Prarie. I’m too old this shit now. But it’s coming. I know it’s coming. I see it in the gleeful ‘NO!’s and the full eye contact knocking the food off the tray, wait three seconds, and then (perfectly timed, I must admit), angelic little ‘uh-oh.’

  2. I’m struggling with my threenager ?
    I have already done with with my 2 other girls but I don’t remember it being this bad! She tells me she hate me every day followed by but I love you. Not sure if that is what she has learned from her older sisters fighting or that dumb song I hate you I love you ?? Either way I wish she would stop saying it…. along with all the potty words she says daily! I do you remember four being a nightmare though so I am hoping she comes right before then.

    On another point my eldest is just leaving her 7th year old and onto 8 so I won’t comment too much on your above and leave you guess what is to come ? P.s she is exactly the same when it comes to that kind of clothes she wears, they type of fabric, nothing must itch her, how she has her hair done, how I must tuck her in bed etc etc. serious OCD I think

    1. I see I have a few errors there. I was talking into my phone and it typed it all wrong ?

    2. Hey … it’s about sharing so other moms are better prepared! ??
      So glad it’s not just mine re the clothes. I was starting to worry.
      My threenager also picks up silly things she hears from tv and music and repeats it with no idea what she’s saying.
      Hang in there, I’m sure we’ll get through it eventually – maybe in 15 years time. ??‍♀️

  3. Love this! My surprise threenager calmed down when she turned four and we’ve had a good couple of years. However, she is about to turn 7 in a couple of months and tantrums have started again… bucket of wine for me too! Good luck ?

  4. OMG! I feel your pain. My boy never really went through the terrible twos, I wondered what all the fuss was about. He breezed through potty training, chose to do it himself and everything was fine. Then I picked him up from preschool a couple of weeks back and he was a different boy and all because he couldn’t bring a car home. He was shouting and screaming and crying. There was no reasoning with him. In the end I had to leave my baby with the nursery worker and carry him to the car, and from that point it has been weekly. There have been many days I have been reduced to tears. I cannot wait for this phase to be over, I do not know how to fix it, but my large glass of Pinot is making me feel better already 🙂

  5. Oh yes ! This sounds like our house but with five year old twins they still moan now about doing anything at times haha! I just let it go now can’t be bothered to argue super post Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

  6. I feel your pain, I swear. Guess you’ve been there once so you would know, but it does come as a real shock when your ‘angel’ suddenly becomes a ‘tantruming threenager’, doesn’t it? Here’s my account, if it’s any comfort:)
    BUT then, there’s also a lot to love about this stage…
    Guess as with everything in motherhood, we gotta take the good with the bad. Hope the tough phase passes soon

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  8. Oh bless you. My eldest is just coming up to two so I read through this thinking I have it all to come! Definitely drink all of the wine! Thanks so much for linking up to #Blogstravaganza xx

  9. My daughter, now 11, never went through any of this. But now the strops have started. I am paying for the good behaviour when she was little lol.

  10. Oh you poor thing 🙁 My two year old has just blindsided me with tantrums but that is more because I was in denial that she would ever turn. Such a shame that you had only just got some respite from the big one! #FamilyFun

  11. Oh no!! That can’t be easy! I wait daily for something to kick off. Up until now 19 months he’s been quite angelic. It’s when I read stuff like this that I really start to worry!!

    ‪Thank you for linking up to the #familyfunlinky‬

    1. You should be worried. Check out my post from yesterday if you want to find out how much worse. lol

  12. Oh my days! Sounds tough…we are not there yet, but I hear the threenager is really a thing, so it’ll be our turn soon enough! #FamilyFun

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  14. Pingback: Anything But A Fight With My Four Year Old! – Mom Of Two Little Girls

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