Fear Kills More Dreams Than Failure Ever Will

The Fear

My husband and I have been talking a lot recently, about ‘The Fear’.

Since we met we have made lots of choices in our lives together, and whilst we may have been nervous about the outcome of some of those decisions, as we are getting older ‘the fear’ is becoming harder to ignore.

Nelson Mandela said – May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.

So what are the fears that we have now?

Well, when you break it down, most of it is the direct result of being parents of small children. Becoming a parent comes with a whole host of fears that you never needed to consider before:

  • the financial responsibility of providing for them
  • are they as healthy as possible?
  • their well-being
  • are we doing our best to ensure they are decent people?
  • is the standard of education they are receiving the best we can provide for them?
  • are they happy?


That last one is often forgotten. We can push that one aside when making big decisions because we assume that they must be happy, right? They are too young to know anything else therefore they must be happy with their life the way it is, right? So you just push that one aside because in the back of your mind, it’s a given. The older they get though, the less this is true.

If you tick all those off your list, which basically equates to you making sure they are happy, and that you are doing your parental job, then what?

What About Us?

Is it at that point that we’re allowed to ask – what do we want? What will make us happy.

I think so. Just because we are parents, doesn’t mean we don’t also have the right to be happy too.

At what point are we allowed to have ‘dreams’? Are the dreams of parents supposed to be put on hold until our children don’t need us anymore? Will that day ever come?

A Mother's job is to teach her children not to need her anymore

‘The Fear’ is real, but what you do with it, is up to you.

Never let your fear decide your future.

This post is linked to the following linkys: 

Pink Pear Bear
One Messy Mama
Mummy Times Two
Sparkles at Midnight


    1. Good for you! We have our will sorted ages ago, and we actually review it every few years. It’s so important.

    1. Thanks Heather. Easier said than done but it’s true.

  1. Well done! Someone told me once that fear stands for
    Just thought I’d share:))


  2. I absolutely love this post!!!!! So true, often I wonder if in giving everything to my children I am still haivng them live a childhood that they need to recover from. 🙂 Thanks for this xxx

    1. I think we’re all just doing our best. Having The Fear means you’re doing it right.

  3. Love this…we’re always worried about everything else, but I doubt I’ve ever stopped to think about them being happy. I just assume they’re clothes and fed…what more could they need in life.

    1. I know. It’s only recently that I even thought about it too. But it is something worth considering.

  4. Anytime my girls see me unhappy I feel such dread. I always worry they will remember me as stressed, not happy. #globalblogging

    1. I hear you but I’m sure that the happy days out number the unhappy ones. X

  5. Pingback: My #Instaweek Round-Up: Week 4 – Mom Of Two Little Girls

  6. Such a brilliant post, I have also been struck harder with the fear as I’ve got older. It’s very hard to try and see past it sometimes. Thanks for linking up with the #bigpinklink this week.

  7. What a great post, and an important reminder of how our happiness affects our kinder! Happiness can be contagious, and that is a good thing! #ablogginggoodtime xo

  8. Oh my goodness, that Mandela one is just amazing!! I can’t remember off the top of my head if you read my post for my eldest’s recent birthday but making sure they are happy is certainly becoming harder in more ways than I could have imagined. #bigpinklink

  9. This is lovely. I taught young people with behavioural issues and over time they become dependent on you but for you to have done your job correctly they have to be able to thrive independently and that’s the last piece. It is the hardest piece for all concerned and the ultimate act of love and hope for that person; now I let you go and watch you fly! #PostsFromTheHeart

    1. So true. I never realized that side of it until I had my own kids. Reality is though that I still need my mom. I’m 35.

  10. Attending my youngest son’s last field trip of 4th grade was a doozie for me. That day was a lot of fun for us but it was also the first time he told me I was embarrassing him because I was hugging him. I couldn’t believe it! My sweet and energetic baby boy who always says, “mommy, I’ll always be your baby” was now saying, “mommy, please stop. you’re embarrassing me.” He’s also gotten a bit more independent this past year, which was a goal for me but now that it’s happening, it’s surreal. But we can’t let our fears rule us. It’s not good for us and not good for them. It’s bittersweet watching our little ones grow up.

  11. #sundaysmiles blooming fear… you fear for their health when your pregnant, thats if you’ve got over the fear of getting pregnant – you get them home safely and then receive a memo of 60000 different fears everyday. I guess happiness comes from not making those fears a focus. loved this post. x

  12. Fear is inevitable, it’s always there in the back of my mind. The important thing is not to let it control you and take over. Of course we have to think of our happiness as parents – our children’s happiness depends a lot on ours. #SundaySmiles

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